Your food is not a TOY!!

I remember when a pizza was like $5.99, and it came with pepperoni and was round.

Nowadays, if you're not dipping, popping, tearing, folding, or otherwise fingerbanging your "zah" in some manner, then you can't enjoy it!

And whatever happened to just eating a triangular piece of pizza with cheese and pepperoni? Now you got cheese in this hole, cheese in that hole, cheese in the crust, cheese in the middle. It's no wonder our entire country isn't constipated.

Pizza has become the most overpriced and bland garbage you can buy in the fast-food arena. In order to stay a viable alternative to eating elsewhere, the pizza joints have had to turn eating into a game to keep your attention away from how terrible it actually tastes.

Think about it next time you're ordering a pie, and consider gnawing on the cardboard box as a tasty, refreshing alternative to manually stimulating your dinner.