Yeah, that's right. I made a Public Enemy reference -- just go with it.
So, about 5 years ago, the government decided that there were SO MANY clandestine methamphetamine labs that it decided to limit the sale of pseudoephedrine.
BTW - it's actually easier to make methamphetamine from pseudoephedrine than from ephedrine (which is still available over the counter in many jurisdictions).
Now, when you get a tickle in your throat, you're faced with two choices:
1. Sit and wait 45 minutes to an hour while the pharmacist behind the counter fills prescriptions that are making him or her money, then get treated like a criminal because you're buying something that has the potential to make a controlled substance; or
2. buy a PE-based decongestant. Sounds easy enough, but consider the following:
http://news.ufl.edu/2006/07/19/decongensant/
a portion of which states:
"[Phenylephrine] becomes inactivated somewhere between the gut and the liver," Hendeles said. "More research needs to be done to determine whether higher doses can be effective and safe."
In 1976, the FDA deemed a 10 milligram oral dose of phenylephrine safe and effective at relieving congestion, making it possible for companies to use the ingredient without conducting studies.
Also, while your taking PE to try to relieve your stuffy nose, keep in mind that PE is also used as a means to increase blood pressure and a pupil dilator (similar to atopine, an ingredient found in Atropa belladonna - deadly nightshade).
PE is a joke; the name should be changed to placebephrine, because that's all it is.
So, next time you have to get better, really get better. Wait in that line and thumb your nose at the man and get yourself a box of high-test pseudoephedrine HCl. You'll be glad you did.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Thursday, November 22, 2007
A trip to the picture show, HelloYoho style
[Editor's note: I was asked to discuss the potential of making a worthwhile live-action movie to compete with the trite, boring, mind-numbing comicbook movies that we see in today's vomitoria we call "movie theatres." But, in stead, I wish to dissert my revulsion to the whole cinema-visiting experience. Maybe I will discuss the Herculoids at the end, if I still feel like writing.]
So, when was the last time you went to the movies? Did you have a good time? Well, I sure did, and I'll tell you why in my trip to the cinema!!
1. The Ticket
Yes! My favorite part: paying for the ticket. How much will it be? Seven dollars? Eight dollars? Nine-fifty? Awesome. I'm sure it will be money well spent. Oh wait, gotta get TWO tickets; you don't want to be that Poindexter to goes to the movie by yourself. You loser.
2. The Snacks
The snacks are good. Never have I spent $17 so wisely! You get 64 ounces of flat, diluted, warm softdrink in a dirty cup [oh, you didn't know theatres re-use the cups? I just hope they don't reuse the straws! Why aren't they individually wrapped, anyway?], and a baggie full of popcorn kernels. Oh yeah, and a $3 box of Snow Caps [hey, didn't I just see them at the drug store for fifty cents?!]. And why the hell does every snack have to make noise?! It either rattles, crackles, crunches. Oh well, small price to pay to watch a great movie, right? Time to sit down.
3. The Seat
Uh oh, you didn't get to the movie 3 hours in advance, so now you have the choice of either sitting in the front and watching the movie planetarium-style, or sitting by the woman whose perfume makes Jean Nate afterbath Splash smell like an invigorating phermone. I mean, why put on so much perfume you smell like a bordello commode?! WHY?!
And 10 minutes into sitting in the seat, your ass goes numb to the point where you can't move your feet. No, wait, I probably could move my feet if the floor weren't caked with 6 months of refreshing Coca-Cola, sourpatch kids, twizzler residue, and God knows what the hell else. No wonder it's kept so damned dark
4. Dim the Lights
Great! the lights have dimmed, it's time to watch the mov-- My bad; I didn't realize I had to watch a Coca Cola commercial, a Levi's commercial, and 3 tampon commercials. I didn't realize I needed to buy tampons, but I've now seen the error of my ways! Oh well, with as long as the 14 movie trailers were, at least I don't have to waste my time or money going to see them when they come out 14 months from now.
5. The Picture and Sound
We Americans all know that BIGGER is better. So, this 15' screen should be the best! Except that there always seems to be a kinky hair in the corner of the projector that dances around. It's okay, though, because that animated pube might actually keep you entertained until the boredom ends.
Also, through the marvels of modern technology, the sound need not synchronize with the picture anymore! What, you missed the memo? You square. Just watch your movie and be quiet, like the guy beside you . . . .
6. The Patrons
The greatest part of the movie is getting out with the public. Enjoying being around people, especially this guy whose phone won't stop ringing. Or, just as annoying, the 11-year-old girl whose blackberry backlight will blind you if you stare at it too long.
[9:13, Personal note: When I was a little kid my mother told me not to stare into the Blackberry backlight. So once when I was six, I did. The doctors didn't know if my eyes would ever heal. I was terrified, alone in that darkness. Slowly daylight crept in through the bandages, and I could see, but something else had changed inside of me. That day I had my first headache.]
I guess you could always go tell the manager. I mean, you spent the $9.50 to watch the movie, right? You might as well police the patrons as well. Or you can show how grown-up you are and try to reason with hormone-enraged pre-pubescent individual [Hey, wait, isn't this movie rated "R"? What the hell?]. As stated previously, at least you'll be entertained, right?
7 The Movie
Yes! the movie, the reason you came. The Coup de Grace! You've endured so much, it's now time to sit back, relax, and watch the movie. Your goal is to laugh whenever the other people laugh, and try to stay awake! If you get lost, don't worry; the background music will tell you what to feel, be it happy, sad or scared. It's easy!
So there you go, my trip to the movie. If you've never been and don't know what you're missing, here is an idea.
So get out there, and treat yourself. You deserve it!
So, when was the last time you went to the movies? Did you have a good time? Well, I sure did, and I'll tell you why in my trip to the cinema!!
1. The Ticket
Yes! My favorite part: paying for the ticket. How much will it be? Seven dollars? Eight dollars? Nine-fifty? Awesome. I'm sure it will be money well spent. Oh wait, gotta get TWO tickets; you don't want to be that Poindexter to goes to the movie by yourself. You loser.
2. The Snacks
The snacks are good. Never have I spent $17 so wisely! You get 64 ounces of flat, diluted, warm softdrink in a dirty cup [oh, you didn't know theatres re-use the cups? I just hope they don't reuse the straws! Why aren't they individually wrapped, anyway?], and a baggie full of popcorn kernels. Oh yeah, and a $3 box of Snow Caps [hey, didn't I just see them at the drug store for fifty cents?!]. And why the hell does every snack have to make noise?! It either rattles, crackles, crunches. Oh well, small price to pay to watch a great movie, right? Time to sit down.
3. The Seat
Uh oh, you didn't get to the movie 3 hours in advance, so now you have the choice of either sitting in the front and watching the movie planetarium-style, or sitting by the woman whose perfume makes Jean Nate afterbath Splash smell like an invigorating phermone. I mean, why put on so much perfume you smell like a bordello commode?! WHY?!
And 10 minutes into sitting in the seat, your ass goes numb to the point where you can't move your feet. No, wait, I probably could move my feet if the floor weren't caked with 6 months of refreshing Coca-Cola, sourpatch kids, twizzler residue, and God knows what the hell else. No wonder it's kept so damned dark
4. Dim the Lights
Great! the lights have dimmed, it's time to watch the mov-- My bad; I didn't realize I had to watch a Coca Cola commercial, a Levi's commercial, and 3 tampon commercials. I didn't realize I needed to buy tampons, but I've now seen the error of my ways! Oh well, with as long as the 14 movie trailers were, at least I don't have to waste my time or money going to see them when they come out 14 months from now.
5. The Picture and Sound
We Americans all know that BIGGER is better. So, this 15' screen should be the best! Except that there always seems to be a kinky hair in the corner of the projector that dances around. It's okay, though, because that animated pube might actually keep you entertained until the boredom ends.
Also, through the marvels of modern technology, the sound need not synchronize with the picture anymore! What, you missed the memo? You square. Just watch your movie and be quiet, like the guy beside you . . . .
6. The Patrons
The greatest part of the movie is getting out with the public. Enjoying being around people, especially this guy whose phone won't stop ringing. Or, just as annoying, the 11-year-old girl whose blackberry backlight will blind you if you stare at it too long.
[9:13, Personal note: When I was a little kid my mother told me not to stare into the Blackberry backlight. So once when I was six, I did. The doctors didn't know if my eyes would ever heal. I was terrified, alone in that darkness. Slowly daylight crept in through the bandages, and I could see, but something else had changed inside of me. That day I had my first headache.]
I guess you could always go tell the manager. I mean, you spent the $9.50 to watch the movie, right? You might as well police the patrons as well. Or you can show how grown-up you are and try to reason with hormone-enraged pre-pubescent individual [Hey, wait, isn't this movie rated "R"? What the hell?]. As stated previously, at least you'll be entertained, right?
7 The Movie
Yes! the movie, the reason you came. The Coup de Grace! You've endured so much, it's now time to sit back, relax, and watch the movie. Your goal is to laugh whenever the other people laugh, and try to stay awake! If you get lost, don't worry; the background music will tell you what to feel, be it happy, sad or scared. It's easy!
So there you go, my trip to the movie. If you've never been and don't know what you're missing, here is an idea.
So get out there, and treat yourself. You deserve it!
Monday, November 19, 2007
Band Review - Daylight Dies
Name: Daylight Dies
Label: Relapse
Genre: Death Metal, Ambient Metal
Daylight Dies, a brutally dismal and melancholy band from Raleigh, NC. Sounds like they hail from somewhere between Finland and Sweden, where there's more wolves than people, and the sun seldom gets above the tree line.
Dismantling Devotion is one of my favorite albums of all time. They're not the most technical band I've ever heard, but when it comes to this kind of music that is sometimes a good thing. I think when an album is overproduced it gets a synthetic feel to it. In some albums like this one, there is a sense of emotion in the music, more so than in perfect production.
Anyway - here is a recent bulletin announcement from them:
"We're pleased to announce that all songs for our third album have been written. This includes eight songs that add up to roughly 50 minutes in length. This is certainly our most varied and dynamic effort, with simultaneously our meanest and our most fragile songs to date. We're especially proud of this album, as it's certainly our best. As stated previously, the material is a mix of beautiful melancholic leads and harsh dissonant rhythms; despair driven hooks and the overall dark atmosphere you've come to expect. We're still refining lyrics, but two song titles will be "The Morning Light" and "Cathedral". We'll divulge more titles, including the album title in the near future. We enter the studio in a bit under 3 weeks."
If you have recently fallen victim to "popmusicitis," your best bet for salvation is to listen to Dismantling Devotion 12 times in a row after apologizing to your mother for all the headaches you cause growing up.
Go here to check them out, with some album clips.
Pick up their old album, for the sake of your sanity. I think it's even covered by most HMO's.
Label: Relapse
Genre: Death Metal, Ambient Metal
Daylight Dies, a brutally dismal and melancholy band from Raleigh, NC. Sounds like they hail from somewhere between Finland and Sweden, where there's more wolves than people, and the sun seldom gets above the tree line.
Dismantling Devotion is one of my favorite albums of all time. They're not the most technical band I've ever heard, but when it comes to this kind of music that is sometimes a good thing. I think when an album is overproduced it gets a synthetic feel to it. In some albums like this one, there is a sense of emotion in the music, more so than in perfect production.
Anyway - here is a recent bulletin announcement from them:
"We're pleased to announce that all songs for our third album have been written. This includes eight songs that add up to roughly 50 minutes in length. This is certainly our most varied and dynamic effort, with simultaneously our meanest and our most fragile songs to date. We're especially proud of this album, as it's certainly our best. As stated previously, the material is a mix of beautiful melancholic leads and harsh dissonant rhythms; despair driven hooks and the overall dark atmosphere you've come to expect. We're still refining lyrics, but two song titles will be "The Morning Light" and "Cathedral". We'll divulge more titles, including the album title in the near future. We enter the studio in a bit under 3 weeks."
If you have recently fallen victim to "popmusicitis," your best bet for salvation is to listen to Dismantling Devotion 12 times in a row after apologizing to your mother for all the headaches you cause growing up.
Go here to check them out, with some album clips.
Pick up their old album, for the sake of your sanity. I think it's even covered by most HMO's.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Your food is not a TOY!!
I remember when a pizza was like $5.99, and it came with pepperoni and was round.
Nowadays, if you're not dipping, popping, tearing, folding, or otherwise fingerbanging your "zah" in some manner, then you can't enjoy it!
And whatever happened to just eating a triangular piece of pizza with cheese and pepperoni? Now you got cheese in this hole, cheese in that hole, cheese in the crust, cheese in the middle. It's no wonder our entire country isn't constipated.
Pizza has become the most overpriced and bland garbage you can buy in the fast-food arena. In order to stay a viable alternative to eating elsewhere, the pizza joints have had to turn eating into a game to keep your attention away from how terrible it actually tastes.
Think about it next time you're ordering a pie, and consider gnawing on the cardboard box as a tasty, refreshing alternative to manually stimulating your dinner.
Nowadays, if you're not dipping, popping, tearing, folding, or otherwise fingerbanging your "zah" in some manner, then you can't enjoy it!
And whatever happened to just eating a triangular piece of pizza with cheese and pepperoni? Now you got cheese in this hole, cheese in that hole, cheese in the crust, cheese in the middle. It's no wonder our entire country isn't constipated.
Pizza has become the most overpriced and bland garbage you can buy in the fast-food arena. In order to stay a viable alternative to eating elsewhere, the pizza joints have had to turn eating into a game to keep your attention away from how terrible it actually tastes.
Think about it next time you're ordering a pie, and consider gnawing on the cardboard box as a tasty, refreshing alternative to manually stimulating your dinner.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Indian Rock . . .the wave of the FUTURE!
I'm not kidding when I call Indian rock the wave of the future. With over 1 billion people, this stuff is probably more popular than all top-40 music combined across first-world countries.
Funny, the ad wizards would kill to have an audience one-hundredth that size.
Yes, it's funny (it's HILARIOUS), but watch only the first minute of this video and tell me that you aren't singing it the rest of the day:
Funny, the ad wizards would kill to have an audience one-hundredth that size.
Yes, it's funny (it's HILARIOUS), but watch only the first minute of this video and tell me that you aren't singing it the rest of the day:
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Band Review - Soulwhirlingsomewhere
This is my first band review. I just located their msypace page and thought I would write something about them.
Name: Soul Whirling Somewhere
Label: Projekt
Genre: Darkwave/Ambient
About soulwhirlingsomewhere [from their profile]:
guy meets girl. girl dumps guy. guy attatches too severely. guy can't let go. immerses himself in the pain. all that's left to do is write songs about it, which, ironically, only serves to further perpetuate the problem. repeat.
Can't get enough of this band! I looked at my CD collection and over the past 10 years I've purchased 5 of their CD's, making them one of the most collected bands in my collection!! I guess that amounts to something.
Anyway, this guy (Michael Plaster, I believe is his name) has had at least 10 years to get over this girl, whoever she was. His music is as obsessed and desperate today as it was back in the late 90's.
Today, I salute that dedication.
I would suggest purchasing his first CD (called "Eating the Sea"), but it's kind of a "cult classic" album. It hasn't been produced for several years, and everyone once in a while you'll find one on Ebay for $50+. I found a copy of it for about $6.
Soulwhirlingsomewhere on Myspace
Another SWS profile
Soulwhirlingsomehwere.com
Projekt Records (one of my favorite labels!)
Name: Soul Whirling Somewhere
Label: Projekt
Genre: Darkwave/Ambient
About soulwhirlingsomewhere [from their profile]:
guy meets girl. girl dumps guy. guy attatches too severely. guy can't let go. immerses himself in the pain. all that's left to do is write songs about it, which, ironically, only serves to further perpetuate the problem. repeat.
Can't get enough of this band! I looked at my CD collection and over the past 10 years I've purchased 5 of their CD's, making them one of the most collected bands in my collection!! I guess that amounts to something.
Anyway, this guy (Michael Plaster, I believe is his name) has had at least 10 years to get over this girl, whoever she was. His music is as obsessed and desperate today as it was back in the late 90's.
Today, I salute that dedication.
I would suggest purchasing his first CD (called "Eating the Sea"), but it's kind of a "cult classic" album. It hasn't been produced for several years, and everyone once in a while you'll find one on Ebay for $50+. I found a copy of it for about $6.
Soulwhirlingsomewhere on Myspace
Another SWS profile
Soulwhirlingsomehwere.com
Projekt Records (one of my favorite labels!)
Friday, November 2, 2007
Does your Heiny smell?
A candid question, indeed. But when you're droppin' nearly 20 bucks on a 12-pack of Heineken, why the hell can't it smell like beer and not like some dead animal's ass?
Don't get me wrong, it's good beer! Made in Holland (home of one of my favorite bands, Epica -- or maybe they're from some other Benelux nation. Who knows, those countries are tossed around the EU like copper at a hobo's poker tourney). It's only 99 calories. And is really drinkable.
I buy it sometimes in the can; if you pour it into a pilsner glass you can't taste the can.
By the way, most beer was sold in cans until the 1960's, if I'm not mistaken. There's nothing wrong with canned beer, you pansies.
The risk of skunky beer alone averts me from buying it. If I'm looking for a good, tastey beer (even if it does have 170 calories), I go for a Redhook ESB. By ESB standards it's not good, but it's one of the best American micros I've ever had. Plus, it's nearly half the price of Heineken.
Don't get me wrong, it's good beer! Made in Holland (home of one of my favorite bands, Epica -- or maybe they're from some other Benelux nation. Who knows, those countries are tossed around the EU like copper at a hobo's poker tourney). It's only 99 calories. And is really drinkable.
I buy it sometimes in the can; if you pour it into a pilsner glass you can't taste the can.
By the way, most beer was sold in cans until the 1960's, if I'm not mistaken. There's nothing wrong with canned beer, you pansies.
The risk of skunky beer alone averts me from buying it. If I'm looking for a good, tastey beer (even if it does have 170 calories), I go for a Redhook ESB. By ESB standards it's not good, but it's one of the best American micros I've ever had. Plus, it's nearly half the price of Heineken.
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