o a man is asked to leave a bar because he has gold teeth and the hilarity ensues.
Watch it here
[don't worry, it's quick]
I can empathize with this guy, not because he has a First Amendment right to wear gold teeth in someone else's restaurant. It's not that he's being discriminated against (maybe he his, I dunno).
It's because this dress code that the restaurant is trying to uphold evidently consists of a tight-fitting pastel-green t-shirt and a beergut.
According to the bartender, the owners of the bar "don't want people making a statement with their dress when they come [to the establishment]."
Indeed, you would rather make the statement before the bar opens: "The grease in our burgers is matched only by the oily tendrils of my Billy Ray Cyrus mop."
And what kind of statement does the dress code actually make at Roxy's Pub?
See for yourself
Loud and clear, Cooter.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Monday, December 24, 2007
I'm dreaming of a . . . Silent Night.
Like many of you, Christmas has to be my favorite day of the year. It is not because of the good will towards men. It has nothing to do with getting gifts or consuming large amounts of food and alcohol. Nor does it have to do with the days off of work.
To me, Christmas day, much like the death-row inmate on the day of his execution, might be a tortuous ordeal in itself, but it also signifies the end of an arduous journey -- a journey of evading and avoiding the same shitty, trite, mind-numbingly stupid songs that I have heard for the past 30 years.
No matter how much I try to avoid it I know that, just like every other year, I am to be subjected to Christmas songs for at least 55 days (starting November 1st), followed by two six-hours hazings of Christmas music each on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. This year was a special treat, because my brother brought forth the cornucopia of holiday drivel that is played on XM satellite radio. So not only did I get to hear the "original" renditions of the songs, but also variations by everyone from Luther Vandrose to Van Halen, from Amy freakin' Grant to Annie Lennox. From metal, to rap, to darkwave, to emo, to country, to boy-band bullshit, everyone's in on the action. And it's the same damned songs over and over again. I found myself once again sitting in unfathomable disbelief that the people around me can listen to the same damned songs over and over again every day, all day, for almost two months, and enjoy themselves!
And it's not just variations on a theme. The Darkwave/Ambient label Projekt (one of my favorite labels), whores itself in two ways. First, it sells CD's with gloom-and-doom variations of typical Christmas songs, but it also sells holiday tunes that are more satirical (you know, for the "too cool for Christmas" types out there).
But regardless of what the music sounds like, the story is always the same: Over the years artists have realized that if they make even the most idiotic of Christmas songs or variations, it will be played and they will get a royalty check at the end of December. And that is the reason artists like Kiss, and Pearl Jam, and Metallica have jumped on the Christmas bandwagon (in addition to probably already being sell-outs in their own rite).
"Merry Christmas, SUCKERS! See you next November 1st!"
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
"Hi, my name is [insert name], and I'm a hatchback owner."
Everyone knows the Toyota Matrix. Yes, the name is a little dated ("The Matrix" movie came out almost a decade ago . . . I'm getting old), but it has some endearing qualities, like a quick 4-cylinder, and AWD option.
[BTW – Johnny swept Daniel-san's leg in "The Karate Kid" almost 25 years ago; now I feel old.]
But when you mention the Matrix to people, you'll usually get the response of "I don't like hatchbacks." That's fine; they're not for everyone, I guess. But those same people will see a crossover and say "I like to live on the edge-ah" or "Boy, those new Nissan Rogues are nice."
"Nice Hatchback!"
"d00d, stfu, my Rogue would PWN a hatchback!"
"Huh?!"
You see, they've fallen into the trap! The marketers (you know, the ad wizards getting pleasured in their M3's for stealing my food toy idea? You know who you are!!) realize that a stale, old vehicle design may still work if you give it a fresh, hip new name -- like Crossover!
A Crossover is supposed to be hybr-- oh, my bad, that cool and hip buzzword is already taken. It's supposed to be, uhm, an homogenization of car and SUV, taking the good qualities of the car like stability and fuel economy, and the good qualities like ride and AWD that are found in an SUV.
Well, I don't mean to piss on your parade, but isn't that what the station wagon was 50 years ago? And the hatchbacks that became immensely popular in 70's, how are they not the same?
Don't get me wrong, there are some crossovers that really are a good mix, like theToyota Highlander, or the Honda Pilot, or the Jeep Compass, none of which is a SUV, but could probably at least pull their way through of wet grass.
But there are some cars that are more hatchback than some hatchbacks! Take the Nissan Murano, or better yet, the Nissan Rogue: creepy styling, low ground clearance, no 4WD (or even AWD in some instances).
What the hell business does this thing have going through anything but a pothole?? Give me a break. But I'm sure it picks up a damned-good pile of groceries, though.
I like hatchbacks. The Scion xD is awesome, the Matrix, the WRX wagon, the Nissan Versa. They're just not anything like a truck.
Yoho approves of this car.
Don't be ashamed you drive a hatchback, and don't let the advertizers get away with destroying a piece of automotive history! You get those groceries in style and with pride!!
[BTW – Johnny swept Daniel-san's leg in "The Karate Kid" almost 25 years ago; now I feel old.]
But when you mention the Matrix to people, you'll usually get the response of "I don't like hatchbacks." That's fine; they're not for everyone, I guess. But those same people will see a crossover and say "I like to live on the edge-ah" or "Boy, those new Nissan Rogues are nice."
"Nice Hatchback!"
"d00d, stfu, my Rogue would PWN a hatchback!"
"Huh?!"
You see, they've fallen into the trap! The marketers (you know, the ad wizards getting pleasured in their M3's for stealing my food toy idea? You know who you are!!) realize that a stale, old vehicle design may still work if you give it a fresh, hip new name -- like Crossover!
A Crossover is supposed to be hybr-- oh, my bad, that cool and hip buzzword is already taken. It's supposed to be, uhm, an homogenization of car and SUV, taking the good qualities of the car like stability and fuel economy, and the good qualities like ride and AWD that are found in an SUV.
Well, I don't mean to piss on your parade, but isn't that what the station wagon was 50 years ago? And the hatchbacks that became immensely popular in 70's, how are they not the same?
Don't get me wrong, there are some crossovers that really are a good mix, like theToyota Highlander, or the Honda Pilot, or the Jeep Compass, none of which is a SUV, but could probably at least pull their way through of wet grass.
But there are some cars that are more hatchback than some hatchbacks! Take the Nissan Murano, or better yet, the Nissan Rogue: creepy styling, low ground clearance, no 4WD (or even AWD in some instances).
What the hell business does this thing have going through anything but a pothole?? Give me a break. But I'm sure it picks up a damned-good pile of groceries, though.
I like hatchbacks. The Scion xD is awesome, the Matrix, the WRX wagon, the Nissan Versa. They're just not anything like a truck.
Yoho approves of this car.
Don't be ashamed you drive a hatchback, and don't let the advertizers get away with destroying a piece of automotive history! You get those groceries in style and with pride!!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
I've been ROBBED!!
I woke up this morning to find that I had been robbed! Or, more accurately burglarized. No, not my house, but my freakin' blog!
I was bloglarized!
On November 15, 2007, I wrote a blog called "Your food is not a Toy." It was so well-received by my readers that some that my idea was stolen to make a commercial:
Are you kidding me!? This was my idea! Well, at least the part about food being a toy (not the part where your food's looks like someone ate garbage and puked it onto a bun; Wendy's can take credit for that).
Right now, some ad wizard is getting pleasured in his BMW by some high-priced prostitute for his "creativity."
I applaud the kind of effort these guys put into stealing others' ideas.
I was bloglarized!
On November 15, 2007, I wrote a blog called "Your food is not a Toy." It was so well-received by my readers that some that my idea was stolen to make a commercial:
Are you kidding me!? This was my idea! Well, at least the part about food being a toy (not the part where your food's looks like someone ate garbage and puked it onto a bun; Wendy's can take credit for that).
Right now, some ad wizard is getting pleasured in his BMW by some high-priced prostitute for his "creativity."
I applaud the kind of effort these guys put into stealing others' ideas.
Monday, December 10, 2007
What's the real reason behind the weak dollar?
I thought since I never really get to use my BS in Economics, and because one of my blog readers inquired today about it, I thought I would discuss the weak US Dollar.
Consider the following:
http://www.huppi.com/kangaroo/L-gold.htm
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070921064243AAKLJuv
http://www.slate.com/id/2170745/nav/tap3/
The US Dollar, like pretty much every other first-world country, uses fiat money (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fiat_money), which is money backed by government demand for it as legal tender. Most people realize that, when you invest in the US gov't, all it's going to do is spend a ton of money and issue more bonds to pay off the initial debt.
Some would say it's similar to a ponzy scheme: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ponzi_scheme
The difference is, the US Government isn't going anywhere, or at least when it does it'll probably take 99% of the world's population with it. The downside is, people (at least today and yesterday) think that the dollar is going to sink further, so no one wants them . . . not right now, at least.
The upside is, people will start BUYING U.S. goods because they are now cheaper than goods in Europe and even Canada, which will boost the economy.
Bottom Line: Since its inception, the Federal Reserve has skirted many a depression with merely fluctuating the federal funds rate http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Federal_funds_rate (the only real power the Federal Reserve has).
It's the opposite of a gold standard of money:
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gold_standard), and gives the US gov't a means of injecting or restraining its own volume of money.
Libertarians (like myself), don't like the idea of fiat money . . . however, I'm more a pragmatist than a libertarian, and I see fiat money, (or gov't-backed money), a necessary evil in the world today to ensure there is neither a depression, or hyperinflation.
Tomorrow may be the day when Wall Street dwellers start jumping from buildings, but I doubt it. Everyone needs to take a deep breath, and go buy something. No, I mean save. Err, whatever you want to do.
Consider the following:
http://www.huppi.com/kangaroo/L-gold.htm
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070921064243AAKLJuv
http://www.slate.com/id/2170745/nav/tap3/
The US Dollar, like pretty much every other first-world country, uses fiat money (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fiat_money), which is money backed by government demand for it as legal tender. Most people realize that, when you invest in the US gov't, all it's going to do is spend a ton of money and issue more bonds to pay off the initial debt.
Some would say it's similar to a ponzy scheme: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ponzi_scheme
The difference is, the US Government isn't going anywhere, or at least when it does it'll probably take 99% of the world's population with it. The downside is, people (at least today and yesterday) think that the dollar is going to sink further, so no one wants them . . . not right now, at least.
The upside is, people will start BUYING U.S. goods because they are now cheaper than goods in Europe and even Canada, which will boost the economy.
Bottom Line: Since its inception, the Federal Reserve has skirted many a depression with merely fluctuating the federal funds rate http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Federal_funds_rate (the only real power the Federal Reserve has).
It's the opposite of a gold standard of money:
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gold_standard), and gives the US gov't a means of injecting or restraining its own volume of money.
Libertarians (like myself), don't like the idea of fiat money . . . however, I'm more a pragmatist than a libertarian, and I see fiat money, (or gov't-backed money), a necessary evil in the world today to ensure there is neither a depression, or hyperinflation.
Tomorrow may be the day when Wall Street dwellers start jumping from buildings, but I doubt it. Everyone needs to take a deep breath, and go buy something. No, I mean save. Err, whatever you want to do.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Phenylephrine (much like 9-1-1) is a JOKE!
Yeah, that's right. I made a Public Enemy reference -- just go with it.
So, about 5 years ago, the government decided that there were SO MANY clandestine methamphetamine labs that it decided to limit the sale of pseudoephedrine.
BTW - it's actually easier to make methamphetamine from pseudoephedrine than from ephedrine (which is still available over the counter in many jurisdictions).
Now, when you get a tickle in your throat, you're faced with two choices:
1. Sit and wait 45 minutes to an hour while the pharmacist behind the counter fills prescriptions that are making him or her money, then get treated like a criminal because you're buying something that has the potential to make a controlled substance; or
2. buy a PE-based decongestant. Sounds easy enough, but consider the following:
http://news.ufl.edu/2006/07/19/decongensant/
a portion of which states:
"[Phenylephrine] becomes inactivated somewhere between the gut and the liver," Hendeles said. "More research needs to be done to determine whether higher doses can be effective and safe."
In 1976, the FDA deemed a 10 milligram oral dose of phenylephrine safe and effective at relieving congestion, making it possible for companies to use the ingredient without conducting studies.
Also, while your taking PE to try to relieve your stuffy nose, keep in mind that PE is also used as a means to increase blood pressure and a pupil dilator (similar to atopine, an ingredient found in Atropa belladonna - deadly nightshade).
PE is a joke; the name should be changed to placebephrine, because that's all it is.
So, next time you have to get better, really get better. Wait in that line and thumb your nose at the man and get yourself a box of high-test pseudoephedrine HCl. You'll be glad you did.
So, about 5 years ago, the government decided that there were SO MANY clandestine methamphetamine labs that it decided to limit the sale of pseudoephedrine.
BTW - it's actually easier to make methamphetamine from pseudoephedrine than from ephedrine (which is still available over the counter in many jurisdictions).
Now, when you get a tickle in your throat, you're faced with two choices:
1. Sit and wait 45 minutes to an hour while the pharmacist behind the counter fills prescriptions that are making him or her money, then get treated like a criminal because you're buying something that has the potential to make a controlled substance; or
2. buy a PE-based decongestant. Sounds easy enough, but consider the following:
http://news.ufl.edu/2006/07/19/decongensant/
a portion of which states:
"[Phenylephrine] becomes inactivated somewhere between the gut and the liver," Hendeles said. "More research needs to be done to determine whether higher doses can be effective and safe."
In 1976, the FDA deemed a 10 milligram oral dose of phenylephrine safe and effective at relieving congestion, making it possible for companies to use the ingredient without conducting studies.
Also, while your taking PE to try to relieve your stuffy nose, keep in mind that PE is also used as a means to increase blood pressure and a pupil dilator (similar to atopine, an ingredient found in Atropa belladonna - deadly nightshade).
PE is a joke; the name should be changed to placebephrine, because that's all it is.
So, next time you have to get better, really get better. Wait in that line and thumb your nose at the man and get yourself a box of high-test pseudoephedrine HCl. You'll be glad you did.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
A trip to the picture show, HelloYoho style
[Editor's note: I was asked to discuss the potential of making a worthwhile live-action movie to compete with the trite, boring, mind-numbing comicbook movies that we see in today's vomitoria we call "movie theatres." But, in stead, I wish to dissert my revulsion to the whole cinema-visiting experience. Maybe I will discuss the Herculoids at the end, if I still feel like writing.]
So, when was the last time you went to the movies? Did you have a good time? Well, I sure did, and I'll tell you why in my trip to the cinema!!
1. The Ticket
Yes! My favorite part: paying for the ticket. How much will it be? Seven dollars? Eight dollars? Nine-fifty? Awesome. I'm sure it will be money well spent. Oh wait, gotta get TWO tickets; you don't want to be that Poindexter to goes to the movie by yourself. You loser.
2. The Snacks
The snacks are good. Never have I spent $17 so wisely! You get 64 ounces of flat, diluted, warm softdrink in a dirty cup [oh, you didn't know theatres re-use the cups? I just hope they don't reuse the straws! Why aren't they individually wrapped, anyway?], and a baggie full of popcorn kernels. Oh yeah, and a $3 box of Snow Caps [hey, didn't I just see them at the drug store for fifty cents?!]. And why the hell does every snack have to make noise?! It either rattles, crackles, crunches. Oh well, small price to pay to watch a great movie, right? Time to sit down.
3. The Seat
Uh oh, you didn't get to the movie 3 hours in advance, so now you have the choice of either sitting in the front and watching the movie planetarium-style, or sitting by the woman whose perfume makes Jean Nate afterbath Splash smell like an invigorating phermone. I mean, why put on so much perfume you smell like a bordello commode?! WHY?!
And 10 minutes into sitting in the seat, your ass goes numb to the point where you can't move your feet. No, wait, I probably could move my feet if the floor weren't caked with 6 months of refreshing Coca-Cola, sourpatch kids, twizzler residue, and God knows what the hell else. No wonder it's kept so damned dark
4. Dim the Lights
Great! the lights have dimmed, it's time to watch the mov-- My bad; I didn't realize I had to watch a Coca Cola commercial, a Levi's commercial, and 3 tampon commercials. I didn't realize I needed to buy tampons, but I've now seen the error of my ways! Oh well, with as long as the 14 movie trailers were, at least I don't have to waste my time or money going to see them when they come out 14 months from now.
5. The Picture and Sound
We Americans all know that BIGGER is better. So, this 15' screen should be the best! Except that there always seems to be a kinky hair in the corner of the projector that dances around. It's okay, though, because that animated pube might actually keep you entertained until the boredom ends.
Also, through the marvels of modern technology, the sound need not synchronize with the picture anymore! What, you missed the memo? You square. Just watch your movie and be quiet, like the guy beside you . . . .
6. The Patrons
The greatest part of the movie is getting out with the public. Enjoying being around people, especially this guy whose phone won't stop ringing. Or, just as annoying, the 11-year-old girl whose blackberry backlight will blind you if you stare at it too long.
[9:13, Personal note: When I was a little kid my mother told me not to stare into the Blackberry backlight. So once when I was six, I did. The doctors didn't know if my eyes would ever heal. I was terrified, alone in that darkness. Slowly daylight crept in through the bandages, and I could see, but something else had changed inside of me. That day I had my first headache.]
I guess you could always go tell the manager. I mean, you spent the $9.50 to watch the movie, right? You might as well police the patrons as well. Or you can show how grown-up you are and try to reason with hormone-enraged pre-pubescent individual [Hey, wait, isn't this movie rated "R"? What the hell?]. As stated previously, at least you'll be entertained, right?
7 The Movie
Yes! the movie, the reason you came. The Coup de Grace! You've endured so much, it's now time to sit back, relax, and watch the movie. Your goal is to laugh whenever the other people laugh, and try to stay awake! If you get lost, don't worry; the background music will tell you what to feel, be it happy, sad or scared. It's easy!
So there you go, my trip to the movie. If you've never been and don't know what you're missing, here is an idea.
So get out there, and treat yourself. You deserve it!
So, when was the last time you went to the movies? Did you have a good time? Well, I sure did, and I'll tell you why in my trip to the cinema!!
1. The Ticket
Yes! My favorite part: paying for the ticket. How much will it be? Seven dollars? Eight dollars? Nine-fifty? Awesome. I'm sure it will be money well spent. Oh wait, gotta get TWO tickets; you don't want to be that Poindexter to goes to the movie by yourself. You loser.
2. The Snacks
The snacks are good. Never have I spent $17 so wisely! You get 64 ounces of flat, diluted, warm softdrink in a dirty cup [oh, you didn't know theatres re-use the cups? I just hope they don't reuse the straws! Why aren't they individually wrapped, anyway?], and a baggie full of popcorn kernels. Oh yeah, and a $3 box of Snow Caps [hey, didn't I just see them at the drug store for fifty cents?!]. And why the hell does every snack have to make noise?! It either rattles, crackles, crunches. Oh well, small price to pay to watch a great movie, right? Time to sit down.
3. The Seat
Uh oh, you didn't get to the movie 3 hours in advance, so now you have the choice of either sitting in the front and watching the movie planetarium-style, or sitting by the woman whose perfume makes Jean Nate afterbath Splash smell like an invigorating phermone. I mean, why put on so much perfume you smell like a bordello commode?! WHY?!
And 10 minutes into sitting in the seat, your ass goes numb to the point where you can't move your feet. No, wait, I probably could move my feet if the floor weren't caked with 6 months of refreshing Coca-Cola, sourpatch kids, twizzler residue, and God knows what the hell else. No wonder it's kept so damned dark
4. Dim the Lights
Great! the lights have dimmed, it's time to watch the mov-- My bad; I didn't realize I had to watch a Coca Cola commercial, a Levi's commercial, and 3 tampon commercials. I didn't realize I needed to buy tampons, but I've now seen the error of my ways! Oh well, with as long as the 14 movie trailers were, at least I don't have to waste my time or money going to see them when they come out 14 months from now.
5. The Picture and Sound
We Americans all know that BIGGER is better. So, this 15' screen should be the best! Except that there always seems to be a kinky hair in the corner of the projector that dances around. It's okay, though, because that animated pube might actually keep you entertained until the boredom ends.
Also, through the marvels of modern technology, the sound need not synchronize with the picture anymore! What, you missed the memo? You square. Just watch your movie and be quiet, like the guy beside you . . . .
6. The Patrons
The greatest part of the movie is getting out with the public. Enjoying being around people, especially this guy whose phone won't stop ringing. Or, just as annoying, the 11-year-old girl whose blackberry backlight will blind you if you stare at it too long.
[9:13, Personal note: When I was a little kid my mother told me not to stare into the Blackberry backlight. So once when I was six, I did. The doctors didn't know if my eyes would ever heal. I was terrified, alone in that darkness. Slowly daylight crept in through the bandages, and I could see, but something else had changed inside of me. That day I had my first headache.]
I guess you could always go tell the manager. I mean, you spent the $9.50 to watch the movie, right? You might as well police the patrons as well. Or you can show how grown-up you are and try to reason with hormone-enraged pre-pubescent individual [Hey, wait, isn't this movie rated "R"? What the hell?]. As stated previously, at least you'll be entertained, right?
7 The Movie
Yes! the movie, the reason you came. The Coup de Grace! You've endured so much, it's now time to sit back, relax, and watch the movie. Your goal is to laugh whenever the other people laugh, and try to stay awake! If you get lost, don't worry; the background music will tell you what to feel, be it happy, sad or scared. It's easy!
So there you go, my trip to the movie. If you've never been and don't know what you're missing, here is an idea.
So get out there, and treat yourself. You deserve it!
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